Did you know that good things can be triggers? When triggers are talked about, the talk seems to focus on negative triggers but positive things can be triggering, too. Here’s how.
Meet John. John just got a well-deserved promotion at work but you’d never know it to look at him. He’s not excited and proud of himself, as you might expect. Instead, he’s feeling quite anxious and doesn’t even know why. He wonders what’s wrong with himself, why isn’t he happy?
On Red Alert
Internally, John’s nervous system is on red alert. His body is prepared to fight or flee which might not make sense until you understand that John’s nervous system is experiencing life-threatening danger, like he’s being stalked by this tiger.
To understand why, we need to go back to John’s childhood.
It Started In Childhood
This is John when he was much younger. Such a cutie pie! He just got a 100% on his spelling test and he is so proud and excited about it! He can’t wait to tell everyone at home. But when he bursts through the door proudly waving his spelling test, his stepdad gets angry.
I mean, really angry. He starts yelling at John to quiet down and not to get a big head over a stupid spelling test. “You better know your place, boy, or I’ll teach you,” he says. The stepdad is looming over John. His face is red, and that vein in his forehead is throbbing. John’s nervous system correctly determines that John is in serious, life-threatening danger. It won’t take much for his stepdad to start hitting him. (That’s what he means when he says he’ll teach John his place).
John’s nervous system wants to identify what happened that made the stepdad so angry. By identifying signs, it can try to prevent this situation from happening again in the future. What do you think John’s nervous system identified as the sign? If you said his excitement and pride, you’re right!
John’s nervous system has determined that being proud of himself leads to life-threatening danger.
It Continues in Adulthood
So moving forward, when John starts to feel proud of himself, he’ll almost immediately feel anxious instead. He probably couldn’t tell you why if you asked him. He just feels like he’s not safe even though there’s no obvious danger in his present and safe situation as an adult.
If a caretaker reacted threateningly or abusively to laughter, a person is likely to feel anxious when they start to become happy. Or they might instead become quiet and feel tired. Or if a person was hurt or abused for crying as a child, they might find themselves becoming numb while watching a sad movie in the safe present. That’s their nervous system keeping them from setting off the trip wire of an angry caretaker.
It’s Not Just Positive Emotions
It isn’t just positive emotions that can be triggers.
It could be a positive thought, such as when Sue said, “I’m really good at drawing” and then her caretaker reacted abusively.
Sensations can also be a trigger. If a friend sees that Andi is tense and tries to relax them with a shoulder rub, it might have the opposite effect within Andi. Andi’s internal alarm bells may be clanging away because when they were a child, pleasant touch meant awful things were going to follow.
What Do You Think?
Does this explain any puzzling reactions you’ve noticed but couldn’t explain? I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. Leave your comments below in the contact form.