What is Blending?
Before we can talk about unblending, we first have to understand what blending is. Have you ever felt some emotion very strongly but couldn’t point to any reason why? Or perhaps it was a thought you kept having for no reason you could figure out. Or maybe you are experiencing some urge that isn’t at all like you.
What do these all have in common? These are all examples of being influenced by others in your dissociative system. Dr. Janina Fisher calls this “blending.” Another word for this is “intrusion,” as in another alter or system member is intruding into your conscious experience. Before you yell at another part for intruding on or blending with you, you need to know that this may not be an intentional act on their part. Often times it is not. They may not realize you are experiencing what they are. The thoughts, emotions, and urges of other alters can be so strong that they bleed into your own experience. Dr. Fisher has a five step way of helping yourself to become unblended.
Step 1
First, Dr. Fisher says to assume that any and all upsetting or overwhelming feelings and thoughts are a communication from parts. Try this even if you are skeptical.
Step 2
Second, describe these feelings and thoughts as “their” reaction. For example, you might say, “They are feeling very sad today. They are having a hard time.” After you do this, do you notice anything?
Step 3
The next step in Dr. Fisher’s unblending process is to create a little more separation between you and the part or parts. Notice I said “a little more separation.” You want to be able to feel their feelings less intensely and also be able to feel your own. You aren’t trying to cut off or ignore the others completely. Some of the ways Dr. Fisher says you can do this are by moving, such as:
- changing your position
- lengthening your spine
- engaging your core muscles
- sitting back.
While you do this, keep repeating “They are feeling so sad” or “they are feeling so scared” or whatever it is they are feeling.
Step 4
Next, use your wise grownup mind, the part of you that solves problems or shows compassion to others. With your wise grownup mind, talk to whoever is upset. You can do this out loud or say it in your head.
- Tell them that you can tell they are upset, overwhelmed, sad, or whatever it is you have noticed.
- Ask them what they need from you to be a little less upset/overwhelmed/sad, and so forth. If you were talking to a child who felt this way, what would you tell them? Tell this to those parts.
Step 5
Finally, you want to find out if what you are doing is helping those upset/sad/overwhelmed parts. It may not be helping a lot, but is it helping at all? Ask if they like it when you listen and talk to them and show you care. Make a commitment to yourself that you will check in with them more often and then tell them this. Make sure to keep your word if you give it. You don’t want to be another person they believe lies to them.
You Can Improve Results
It’s really important to understand that this is a technique, like so many others that are helpful in trauma, which becomes more effective with practice. Dr. Fisher urges people to keep using it even if there are days when it doesn’t seem to help. Consistency, repetition, and continuing to use it are keys to its success.
The first several times you use it, you may not experience significant relief. This is not an indication that it doesn’t work. For one thing, alters may take some convincing that you are sincere; you might have to show up with you concern a bunch of times before they open themselves up to receiving any of it. You know better than anyone what your parts have been through and how they’ve been let down or betrayed. So keep trying. Know that each time you do these 5 steps, you are closer to relief and to healing.
Click the link in the description to get a free handout of these steps for you to reference.
After you’ve tried this, I’d love for you to leave a comment about what it was like for you and what you noticed.